Open Doors and Walking Through Them
I have never been one of those naturally confident people (do those even exist?). Meaning, I always look for the option that allows me to be as invisible as possible and carries the least weight of responsibility. Why do I do this? Because it feels safe. If I’m not handed responsibility, I can’t drop it.
But this isn’t thriving.
Living in shadows out of fear is no place for anyone, especially not a warrior of God possessing a mission.
Throughout the duration of my time working retail, I steadily gained this understanding. I slowly began to realize confidence is not a feeling to wait for but rather an act of faith.
How can I say I believe the words of the Bible, which tells me He plans my steps and equips me for purpose, if I shrivel at the thought of responsibility and people counting on me to do my job well? By completely disqualifying myself from any position such as this, I call my Jesus out as a liar point blank.
Doubting my capabilities is human but refusing to step up because of my doubt is an entirely different animal. He did not design me to work retail indefinitely; I felt this in my bones; but I couldn’t move on until I acknowledged the gifts within myself He intended to be utilized to their full.
The retail environment did not challenge my doubt. Anyone can show up on time, organize and stock shelves, and run a register. These types of jobs hold their own importance; I touched on this when I started. Some people truly thrive in this environment, and it challenges them in all the right areas. As for me...I was playing it safe. Was I meant to work there? Yes. Otherwise, I would never have learned this, but I couldn’t stay. He wasted no time either. I prayed for an open door, and it opened for me that very afternoon when a middle school principal arrived at my register...
I adore art. It is my degree, my passion, my window into Heaven. I see it all around me in trees, mountains, color illuminated by light, and the souls of people around me; therefore, I see Him everywhere I go. All I need to be reminded of His presence is to step outside my door.
So when we struck up a conversation on the subject, eventually revealing my background in it, he offered me information concerning an open position at his school and contact information on a sticky note if I was interested.
This wasn’t the first time someone came into the store and offered positions elsewhere to those displaying good customer service. It always left a bad taste in my mouth.
But this time felt different. I discerned no guile about this gentleman nor his wife in the name of “good business”. He did not seek to steal another company’s good employees, only paid attention and remained open to divine circumstance as I did. I sat in my car at the end of my shift nervous and uncertain.
I am not an impulsive person. I do not believe it wise to rush into action, especially when it involves large sums of money or big changes, and teacher planning began in two weeks. Nerves jingled inside me as I asked if this move was wise for me and considerate toward those I currently worked for. Then I remembered the prayer I’d forgotten throughout the course of a crazy day, and amusement flashed through me. I rolled my eyes at my silliness and sensed Him smiling too.
I’ve seen too much to believe in coincidence. I don’t know which word I hate more ---- luck or coincidence. Both diminish the wonder of His interaction in the lives of people.
And so, Monday morning bright and early, I researched the school and the position and gave the principal a call. Now or never. I may be cautious by nature and experience, but I am no stranger to leaps of faith. Even when circumstances didn’t go my way in the end, He honored my faith and took care of me anyway (this is a college story). So I leapt.
The principal was able to assemble an interview the very next day, and I gave my two-week’s notice the day after that. As of right now, I am a middle school art teacher surrounded by people who’ve been praying for the right person to fill this role since the beginning of summer. To my surprise and delight, they decided that person was me. They saw capability in me I doubted, and I let them believe. Because one day, my hope is I’ll see it too.
Self-disqualification is no longer an option for a person such as myself traversing the warrior’s road. It is not humility but unbelief, which the Bible strictly warns against as it spreads lies about the nature and character of God. To have confidence in my design is to have confidence in the truth of the Bible when it says all people are remarkably created with purpose, authority, and unique gifts to use in the world and build His Kingdom.
This is the Great Commission after all is it not? And all that is necessary to walk this journey is faith. I have confidence in You; therefore I have confidence in me. I have yet to go a day without doubt that sits like rocks in the pit of my stomach, but the confidence I now possess is one I have never known.
I still feel stressed, but I also feel a deep peace and anticipation to once in my life rise up and accept the challenge rather than shy away from it. It is a feeling that goes deeper than emotion; it is a kind of knowing. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
So answer the call, dear friends, to a life of greater purpose than yourself. He is the God of open doors who will joyfully accept anyone who possesses even the smallest bit of gumption to whisper Show me.
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