Buzzy Minds

Thoughts on Looking Back & Silence

My Dear Lovelians & Lifers,

I had this thought. Have you ever heard someone lament about their younger days? How, looking back, if they could only go back in time with what they know now, life would look so different? I confess I’ve done this myself. I imagine being six years old again with the mature beliefs of a twenty-four-year-old. Would she still grow up feeling too small for a great big world? Could she ignore her peers that reaffirmed this belief over and over again? I could do this with any age. Twelve… Seventeen maybe…heck, yesterday. Kidding! (maybe). But seriously, I make a point not to carry around this level of regret in my heart.

So then, why not go back? Why not be her again, before the mistakes and assumptions about my circumstances and myself altered then into now? I think psychologists call this creating new pathways. It is the long, arduous process of changing faulty thought patterns and beliefs into new, lifegiving ones, which is definitely easier pondered than done. But then again, most actions worth taking usually are. And if I’m honest, I have been working towards this for a while, yet, for some reason, this thought struck me as new. Perhaps it is a sign that my current mentality has gone stale and my mind too buzzy with overthinking that I need to simplify it again. It wouldn’t be the first time. In fact, I can’t help but chuckle at myself, sigh, and shake my head. Too often I find myself a beekeeper of too many thoughts inside my head with too many solutions for one idea.

Original image credit to Mike Erskine

See, this is why I provide space for silence in my life instead of always filling it with background noise. It’s uncomfortable at first. The world sounds too quiet for my buzzing mind. But, if you push through the discomfort, you might start to hear some birds or the crackling of tree limbs rubbing up against each other like they did during middle school when the spring months promised the freedom of summer. The sun might start to feel warm on your face, and playing children’s laughter beneath your window might make you smile at the carefree nature of it. Then you remember. Living means so much more than a computer screen or a paycheck. Or even the ghosts of melancholy regret. It is, funnily enough, remarkably simple. And while the decisions and problems of today beg for answers, I am starting to discover they are not so all-consumingly important as I once believed them to be. Only when I am quiet and take time to pause do I remember this, and the bees flutter out of my ears and let my mind rest. I think Winnie the Pooh is on to something when he says,

“Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something”.

So turn off the music and close down the streaming platform, friends, because I think you’ll find that silence actually sounds quite nice after all.

Stay Curious,

Olivia

P.S. I've recently discovered English Breakfast tea. It is my current favorite, aside from Jasmine Pearl. With a splash of milk and honey, it makes a wonderful morning beverage.