Enduring the Silence--"Can I Rely on You?"

Thoughts on Waiting Well

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My Dear Lovelians,

I must say, I do not normally take an entire letter to talk about my friendship with God, but I do believe this particular conversation requires it. If this is foreign to you, I hope you enjoy a different perspective (or next week's letter. That's fine too. I won't be offended. Promise).

The majority of people I know groan and sigh in remembrance whenever the topic of waiting is brought about. I myself often quote Inigo Montoya's "I hate waiting" (if you didn't just read this in his voice...go be cultured. I can wait). So why? Why do human beings as a whole hate the notion, the experience, the mere mention of the word? What are we even waiting for?

Original Image credit to Fredrik Öhlander

Well, it's different for everyone. It could be The Wedding Day or The Job or even a little adventure to spice up life. I don't know what it may feel like for you, my dear Lovelians, to wait for whatever it is you desperately want, but for me...it's agonizing. I say this because the Christian life largely depends on guidance from God; therefore, seasons of waiting, such as the one I happen to be experiencing at the moment, are often accompanied by silence on His part, which is downright torture for those who are friends with Him.

To be honest, I'm really not sure why the human species feels the need to experience each day faster than the speed of sound. Oh, I'm sure I could take gander. Perhaps, it is the strange notion that contentment will finally find a home in the heart once achievement feels like "I've made it." Or perhaps, there's a fear of slowing down because one of the too-many balls being juggled could be dropped. After all, there are so many people in life to please, including myself.

What I am sure of is there are an infinite number of excuses for demanding "Later" come "Now." Mine happens to be impatience because of excitement and worry, the feeling my life won't truly begin until I am hired for that job or buy that apartment. As a result, I constantly look to Heaven and ask "Okay I'm here. What next?" Imagine my great delight when His answer has been the same as it's been for the past three months. An enjoyably resounding, earsplitting silence.

I'm embarrassed to say, up until this point, I have not taken it well. First came the demands to pick up the pace, then a dejected attitude accompanied by escapist behavior, and finally, complete devotion to my new occupation as a full-time busybody. A piddler. One who seems to have everything to do but, in the end, accomplishes nothing of real importance. See, for some reason, I had it in my mind life should play out like a movie presenting the Hero's Journey. The hero is called and trained then defeats the villain. Oh, by the way, there's usually a massive time-laps during the period of training.

Original image credit to Jordan Whitfield

Movies have the rather unfortunate habit of making the period of growth remarkably unimportant. You know, the time during which said hero becomes strong enough to face the villain and win? Then a thought occurred to me. If I were to face Him today (for whatever reason), would He be proud of me in the way I have carried out my days? The answer to this question took me less than two seconds.

While I understand His love for me extends far beyond my behavior (good or bad), I also understand His desire to strengthen my faith, the firm belief in His reliability. The real question is am I reliable? Will I follow through in being faithful to obey what He has asked of me thus far? I thought back to the last instructions He gave me. Move to this city. Write. What have I been doing since moving locations? Wallowing. Here lies the purpose (dare I say necessity?) of growth, and, unfortunately, this level-up so to speak can really only develop in the midst of waiting.

Do not misunderstand. Grieving the loss of familiarity, loved ones left behind, and general way of life is not wrong. It is normal. I am talking about once the dust has settled, and life starts picking up again. I cannot help but wonder How will I ever be able to handle anything more He wants to give me in the future if I won't handle with dignity what I've been given today? After all, faith doesn't strengthen in wallowing; it strengthens with a salute and hearty "Yes, Sir!" while resting in remembrance---The foundation of memories celebrating his past successes in guiding me to the places I'm supposed to be and taking care of me when I get it wrong. He doesn't expect me to get His directions correct all the time. He expects me to try. To live out every day doing the best I can with the instructions I have until new ones are given. He has been reliable in guiding me this far, and therefore is reliable now in the silence. Now it's my turn.

Original image credit to Debby Hudson

Having had a little while to ponder these thoughts and figure out how to implement them, I can now proudly say I am determined to be the type of person who will enter every season of growth (aka. waiting) with faithful expectation that I will be a stronger person, fit for whatever He's preparing in my future. I will wake up early the same time every morning; I will explore the book that holds His instructions and promises to be faithful in taking care of me; I will talk with Him about mundane things like what kind of scones will be in the café today; I will take afternoon walks with my family; I will go to my favorite coffee shop; I will brainstorm; I will write; I will welcome interruption; I will think of fun activities to do with my friends during my free time and in turn accept their invitations. I will finish the books I start; I will write letters and send them; I will do all this and more as often as I can (not necessarily in this order) because this is where life happens.

So the next time I am asked to wait and He asks with a little grin "Can I rely on you?", I can in turn look Him in the metaphorical eyes and respond "Yes, Sir" with my own little smirk. Yes, Sir, I will continue to do the next right thing even if it means repeating the day's actions over and over again. While I am quite positive I will never desire the season of growth, I can say I am determined to wait well.

Sincerely,

Olivia

P.S. Seasons are called this for a reason. They do not last.

P.P.S. Write down everything, especially in the hard seasons (It builds confidence something good is happening, even if it's not the something you want to happen)