Good Riddance Inconvenience

How to See the World Through New Eyes

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My Dear Lovelians,

I have just begun implementing a new mindset that has completely changed how I view and behave toward others. I feel like I'm seeing the world through new eyes. First, I’d like to admit one of my least favorite feelings is that of unsettled contentment, or restlessness, the feeling that alerts me to the fact something is…off but cannot quite identify the culprit. However, as uncomfortable as this feeling is, it does happen to be the most efficient alarm bell, for me anyway, forcing me to take two steps back (or twenty) and reevaluate myself or the situation. Unfortunately, there happens to be a seemingly limitless number of reasons behind why it goes off (hence the twenty steps back). Therefore, it may take some digging. This time, I discovered it was wearing the face of a dirty conscience.

Now, I am a professional apologizer. I am not sure how proud I should be of this particular achievement, but it does mean I am rather adept at identifying where my behavior contains flaws and adjusting accordingly. Here’s where the frustration lay for me: Because my pacing conscience could not be traced back to any one particular act or hurtful word, I began keeping my eye open for potential causes.

The behavioral perp finally revealed itself to me one evening at the dinner table while I related a frustrating driving experience to my family. My story began innocently enough with me describing the scene in full color detail (because why tell a story at all if the audience isn’t transported to the passenger seat reliving the situation with me), but it quickly spiraled into an extensive shpiel ranting about every bad driver I’ve ever encountered, how every person in the city I live is a nincompoop, while I, of course, am the only human alive who knows how to “live right” aside from my family (funny how the live audience for these types of stories always happen to be perfect little angels right along with me).

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I know how I can stray

And how fast my heart could change

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Needless to say, I walked away that night with the humbling knowledge of having discovered the problem-I have become a professional complainer. Symptoms include: gossip, insulting language, and prolonged frustration over small happenings on a regular basis. All from voicing every single instance I felt inconvenienced-aka. Grumbling. The state of my heart sounded like my grandmother’s old Thunder Mobile, rumbling and groaning deafeningly loud every time I turned on the engine. A slow driver kept me from driving the speed I wanted. I needed to pick up the slack from my friend’s moment of forgetfulness. My sister took longer than I’d like cooking her eggs (making me wait). The list became an endless supply of rants to be used behind closed doors in order to justify my need to run through each day faster than the speed of sound.

People had become a hindrance to my life, a nuisance. And for someone dedicated to loving others…this is highly embarrassing, not only because my integrity has been compromised but behaving as though others’ needs or human mistakes are a bother to me is the complete opposite of love. Not just diverging a little but entirely contradictory. All because these occurrences affected my life in a manner I would not have chosen.

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Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

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This selfish concept of inconvenience drives people away from the heart of the God I serve, the One who believes in second chances and forgiveness above all things. Therefore, I have decided to remove the word and its look-alikes (impatience, self-centeredness, etc.) from my vocabulary. In my mind, I cannot be inconvenienced because that attitude no longer exists. What’s inconvenience? Never heard of it.

This change has completely altered how I see people and feel during potentially frustrating scenarios. I find myself no longer looking for reasons to complain, which I hadn’t realized I was doing, but instead anticipating conversation and connection because people and I are once more on the same playing field in my mind. I mean, not that my “position” so to speak had ever changed. I’ve just decided to jump back in the game and become an effective player instead of making snow angels on the sidelines grumbling about my teammates.

Original image credit to Suhyeon Choi

Peace has reentered my life; hurry no longer drives my actions, and I have actually begun enjoying my days the way I used to. I wholly recommend sitting outside under the awning of a coffee shop with hot tea in hand and watching it rain. I take a breath and stand still while in line at the grocery, instead of rocking back and forth on my feet, and I monitor the amount of music I listen to, making sure to clear space for silence and be mentally present in the world.

My Dear Lovelians, you would be surprised how important these small alterations are when changing one’s heart, and while I am by no means perfect at this (I still enjoy jumping on the Complain Train more than I’d like to admit), I will continue taking the necessary steps to make life much more humorous and enjoyable not just for me but those in my vicinity.

Sincerely,

Olivia

P.S. Find a way to enjoy today

Song Lyrics by Chris Sligh