On Letting Go of Dangerous Dreams
Did you know dreams can be dangerous? I certainly didn’t until recently. By dreams, I don’t mean the strange happenings that occur while the mind sleeps. I am referring to the desires I set my heart on, especially when it comes to imagining my future. What I didn’t realize was these pulls on my heart lead my actions in a way that either connect me to God...or drive me away from Him. These are the dangerous dreams.
See, the more I get to know God, the more I see the desires of His heart and understand that I cannot continue pursuing Him deeply and authentically without making a choice. Will I live for myself as just a “good person”, or will I continue down the warrior’s road and seeking the kingdom of God?
The kingdom of God is a rather well known saying in the church, but I don’t think I have to translate what this is too much. After all, patriotism still exists today. So does the military. Both together form an excellent picture of what it means to belong to and fight for a “kingdom” in so many words. Life just looks a little different in the day to day.
But how a person seeks His kingdom is an entirely different question, one that has been on my heart lately. Jesus urged those He taught to seek the kingdom of God first because everything they needed would be provided as a loving father naturally does for his children when they depend on him.
The answer is actually so simple I completely missed it at first. I turned it into a list of all the religious activities that I thought needed to occur numerically first. As in, Bible-reading and the like should be done before anything else in my day. It was my own ego that got in the way and kept me from seeing the truth.
Truth is, I desired to follow God on a deeper level because of how He promises to take care of me and turn events beautiful when they go sour. No amount of positivity I possess can do this. And so I leaned into Him whenever I felt worried or stressed about unknowns or bad situations and basked in the warmth of His goodness. This is a solid foundation, and I do not at all mean to imply that this is wrong, only that my dreams were contained within my own little world. And it was time to grow.
While He has fulfilled His promises and taken care of me better than I ever could in my own strength, the depth of friendship I craved still felt out of reach. It is not in my Jesus’ character to taunt me, hide from me, or withhold His best without reason. I knew I was missing something and determined to find out.
It wasn’t until I began to traverse the warriors’ road that I discovered the missing piece. Fear and ego kept me focused on living for myself while the kingdom of God lies in connection with others. This is it. Connection. The desire to be where godless or watered-down people are in order to be the light they need and draw them to God. It’s that simple. Pursue. People.
The gifts and light I possess because of Jesus were never intended to be used purely for my own gain and the benefit of my own life. Here is where dangerous dreams are found. My desire to live in my own little bubble secluded me from the rest of the world. It not only decreased my mental health but disconnected me from His promptings, guidance, and wisdom, which exposed me to other forms of danger----confusion, fear, perhaps even physical as I could potentially miss warning signs of dangerous people in my proximity.
Upon realizing this, I understood a course correction needed to occur in order to thrive in a true friendship with my Jesus. Otherwise, I would knowingly and willingly accept a surface-level relationship, laughs only. The thought makes me shiver.
I can’t imagine living this life with Him as a distant echo in my mind, my heart fearful and confused, embittered. I don’t have to imagine it because I’ve experienced it for myself and witness it all the time in the people around me. My heart aches to watch them live the way they do, always guessing, no comfort or security. No grace. Constantly being tossed about by the whims of culture. How can I in good conscience leave them there?
It hasn’t been easy. My bubble is comfortable and feels safe while simultaneously being devoid of any true purpose. Aimless. But I am able to entrust my future to Him, leave my bubble, and sacrifice my dangerous dreams because I trust Him, and I believe the words of the Bible. It is my foundation; my one source of truth society’s rules do not change.
I still dream, and they are beautiful. I hope someday they will come to pass. There is a difference between isolation and solitude, caring for those in my circle and keeping everyone else out. As an introvert, and one who genuinely enjoys the simpler, quieter side of life, I do still dream of creating an oasis of sorts wherever I end up settling. This said, I no longer desire to hide, to emerge from my space just long enough to buy groceries and such.
The impact I desire to have doesn’t necessarily have to be flashy either. It means recognizing the needs that pull on my heart (these He incorporated in my unique design) and acting on them. And if I don’t have the relationship bridge to speak hard truths, then I will pray someone who does will.
Standing firm in what is right is also a form of impact. It provides solid ground to stand on for those who are drowning or having difficulty swimming in a world of constantly shifting priorities and tolerances. This is why immersing oneself in the Bible and a church community are so imperative in the Christian faith. We are to help each other grow and remain steadfast by encouraging one another and asking questions the Bible lays on our hearts.
Do not doubt friends! I have my own history with the church. It is just a building made up of flawed people like you and me. Some are biblically sound; and some are not. Some are alive, while others sleep contentedly. But I always remind myself my Jesus knows what I need and will provide. Keep seeking. This is faith. And it pays off every time. Not all are critical and harsh, though there will always be those present. He is faithful. I promise. But don’t just take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Come and see.
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